I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
