I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
it's not cheating when I paid for it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
