Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
