I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
bring money and cleavage
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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