between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
