I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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