Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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