apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
