I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
