I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it's like iHOP with fire
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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