i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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