Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
