I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
