She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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