You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
