I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
