Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my being single is dangerous.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
