he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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