I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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