I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
