You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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