I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
