Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
