I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
