Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
