So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
