lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
