You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I looked at my own cervix.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
