just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
