as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
