haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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