1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
