What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
