I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
