youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
handjob tips. give me some.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
