its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
