I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
