just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
