And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
