Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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