Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
