Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
