ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My pussy is not your playground.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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