I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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