I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
