Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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