no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
