Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
