Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
