I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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