So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
