420 ftw
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
