we have officially lost it.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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